“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
What is love? What is a relationship? These are questions that every individual answers in different and unique ways. We might all be different in our opinions about love but we are all united in the fact that we all want a significant other in our life. This human need for connection, may it be in the form of a family, friendship or romantic relationship, appears to be innate. But research shows that the ability to form a healthy relationship with another person is learned.
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We know that love is a profound emotion and something that every individual yearns for in some form or another. We also know that love can only be nurtured in a healthy relationship. The best way to ensure that you are in a healthy relationship or on the way to forming one is to consider certain things before actually entering into a relationship with another person. This article tries to list some of the things that you could consider before forming a relationship with another person.
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Why are you entering into a relationship?
The first thing to consider before entering a relationship is your reason for doing so. Far too many people jump into a relationship because they are lonely. If you are getting into a relationship for the sake of being with someone and not because you genuinely clicked with that person then it is time to rethink your idea of a relationship. It is a good idea to know your reasons for wanting to begin a relationship with someone and to evaluate those reasons yourself.
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Knowing yourself and your expectations first:
Have you ever gone shopping without any specific list in your mind and ended up aimlessly wandering the aisles or picking up things you don’t really need? The same thing could happen to you in a relationship if you are not clear about your expectations regarding the relationship and your partner. Try to be aware of you as a person and the kind of person that you want to share your life with. It’s important to be confident in your own identity before you can think of merging it with that of another person.
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Being aware of your flaws and past experiences:
Being aware of your flaws is an extension of knowing yourself. All of us have flaws but what sets apart is being aware them, and of how it can affect your relationship with another person. A great way to become more self-aware is to journal every day and to read through your journal entries. Learn from your past relationships and try to understand what has worked and not worked for you before. Learning more about your past experiences can help you become aware of unhealthy relationship patterns and in breaking them.
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Do not lose your individuality:
It is very easy to lose sight of you as an individual in a relationship. There is so much sharing and companionship that you may sometimes end up sacrificing too much of yourself. Adjustments are important in every relationship but always remember that you have your own likes, dislikes and passions. Making sure that you have enough time to pursue your own interests can help avoid resentments in the future.
Avoiding things that can kill a relationship:
Every individual is unique and every relationship they have are unique too. But there are certain red flags that you can avoid in order to make sure that your relationship stays healthy and is fulfilling to both involved. Avoid ambiguous communication or not communicating what you want to your partner. Repeated criticisms along with contempt for the other person are things that will not help both of you in the long run. Being defensive and not accepting your mistakes can only make the resentment grow. Remember that being calm and communicating clearly the things that you want will always move the relationship to a clearer footing.
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Passion can fade after a while:
Two people usually start a relationship due to mutual attraction, and there is a certain excitement and passion that comes with new relationships. But you have to understand and accept that this passion can sometimes fade after a while. This is completely normal. Even research shows that over time cognition becomes more important than emotion in close relationships. The passionate love that you once had can be replaced by companionate love based on friendship, mutual attraction, mutual interests and concern for each other.
Little things matter:
Have you ever felt a sudden jolt of happiness when a stranger on the street compliments you? How much more would that happiness be when somebody who knows you, flaws and all, still compliments you and gives you small surprises? Most people think that relationships only require spontaneity or the chocolates and flowers in the beginning but it is more important that those small surprises continue through the relationship. Before getting into a relationship, make sure to tell yourself that the effort required to sustain the relationship is not going to reduce but it is going to be something you enjoy doing for somebody that you love.
Importance of self-disclosure:
Self-disclosure or telling somebody everything about yourself is not an easy task. There are things that you would not want to share with another person, at least not in the beginning, and this is completely natural. But remember that self-disclosure is important in building intimacy and every relationship requires a certain level of intimacy to thrive.
Most people find it difficult to talk about sex in a relationship. But sex is an important part of a relationship. Try to be open with your partner about your fears or preferences when it comes to sexual behavior. Establishing an open communication about it in the beginning can help to avoid discomfort later.
Relationships may not always be a walk in the park. Every relationship can have good and bad days. Being aware of this fact and being able to deal with it right from the beginning of a relationship can go a long way in easing the whole experience. Open-mindedness, clear communication and empathy can help both you and your partner in the long run.
Kaizen Wellbeing is an online therapy platform in Dubai, UAE that caters to South Asian community. There is a dearth of good therapy establishments that accommodate the mental health needs of the brown community. We aim to bridge that gap by providing you quality and affordable care by qualified and warm therapists. Reach out at email@example.com or +971 50 961 8796 and book your first session towards understanding yourself and other’s better.
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