All creatures in the world make mistakes at one point in their life or another. This includes humans as well. Many of the animals in this world have the ability to learn from their mistakes. Humans, being the highly intelligent creatures we are, also have the ability to do so. However, this does not mean that a person does not get heard whenever a mistake is made. When in a relationship, regardless of the nature of the relationship, be it friendship, kinship, simple acquaintances, romantic partners, humans are bound to make mistakes at least once. Sometimes these mistakes turn out to be of great intensity and cause a great deal of hurt to one or more involved. And then comes the question of ‘should I forgive them?’ and an even more confusing question, ‘should I give them a second chance?’.
Similar to how you would feel about touching fire when you've already been burnt once, whether or not to give a person a second chance is a very daunting choice to make. Do people deserve a second chance? Well, of course, no one is perfect, but not everyone deserves a second chance. But before we consider giving a person a second chance, we must always ask ourselves, ‘is this person deserving of it?’.
Giving second chances involves putting in the effort to forgive that person and trying to get over the hurt that we felt so as to not let that feeling of betrayal and pain affect any relationship that you still have with that person. It requires a lot of effort and time. So, there are a lot of things to think about before you give someone a second chance or even consider giving a person a second chance. Let's take a look at a few things that we need to keep in mind while we are deliberating whether a person deserves a second chance or not.
Was this a one-time thing or is it a pattern?
Humans are not perfect. We tend to make mistakes from time to time. While it's perfectly normal to make mistakes, it is not OK to keep making the same mistakes over and over again. If the person who hurt you has hurt you before in similar situations or similar ways, then it is time for you to think about whether this person is in fact good for you. And also think about whether this person will continue to hurt you or change their ways this time around, and if it's worth risking another round of pain and feelings of betrayal. Because remember if the person keeps repeating the same mistake every time and you keep forgiving it and giving them another chance, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment, hoping that they would change. Ultimately, you're sacrificing your own self-worth.
Gravity of the situation.
Some mistakes, like maybe stealing the last piece of chocolate can be forgiven easily (or maybe not if those were your favourite chocolates). However, there are mistakes that are more intense and grave which might not be so easy to forgive or forget. So, when you're considering whether you should give that person a second chance, first consider if you would actually be able to forgive that person. If the answer to that question is no, then is there any use giving them a second chance.
Have they realised, acknowledged, and apologised for their mistake?
The most basic thing when a person makes a mistake is to realise that they did make a mistake and apologise for it. Of course, one has to make sure that this apology is genuine and is not just for the sake of apologising. Don't just listen to those words alone. Listen to their actions. Make sure that their actions match their words of apology.
Are you both willing to move past this incident?
Only if both parties are committed to making things work and move past the issue will giving a second chance be beneficial.
Can you trust them to not make the mistake and hurt you again?
Any and every relationship is based on trust. Even if it is a small relationship with not much depth like acquaintances, it requires a basic amount of stress. If you are unable to trust the person again, then you need to ask yourself why you are even considering giving them a second chance.
Was the relationship good for you?
Breaking off any sort of relationship is painful. But you need to think about whether the relationship was good for you to begin with. Thinking about the good memories and bad times and considering the pros and cons of continuing the relationship would lead you to the answer to the question you are asking ‘Should I give them a second chance?’.
These are just a few pointers that you need to consider while you're thinking about giving someone another chance. It is of course advised in such situations where you feel indecisive to seek expert guidance from our psychotherapist in Dubai where we offer affordable therapy to help you get treatment for anxiety and stress regarding your relationship. While it is important to give people second chances, it is also important to take care of yourself and consider if this would actually make a difference. Do people change? Yes, they do. Does everyone change as they promise to? Not really.
If the issue is something that you can forgive and you do not want the relationship to break off due to this, and you genuinely think they’re remorseful of their actions, and will definitely change for the better, then a second chance seems to be a good option. Remember, not everyone deserves a second chance, and the choice of giving one is completely up to you. It is not mandatory to give another chance. Prioritise yourself and decide based on what is the best option for you. And if you feel like you need a professionals point of view then reach out to our therapist in Dubai and psychologist in Dubai offering affordable therapy and counseling in Dubai, UAE.
Kaizen Wellbeing is an online therapy platform in Dubai, UAE that caters to South Asian community. There is a dearth of good therapy establishments that accommodate the mental health needs of the brown community. We aim to bridge that gap by providing you quality and affordable care by qualified and warm therapists. Reach out at email@example.com or +971 50 961 8796 and book your first session towards understanding yourself and other’s better.
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