When a child is born, parents struggle to ensure that they do everything right for their children. Most parents succeed in doing most things right. However, some parents become exceptionally good at doing the wrong things. Such parents tend to do more harm than good. Where some such parents engage in physically abusive ways to harm the child, others employ psychological tactics. This may be intentionally, to hurt their children or, unintentional, without being aware of the injuries they inflict.
Toxic parents are parents who inflict harm on their child physically, emotionally, socially, psychologically through their words and actions. This includes not doing an action as well, an example of which would be the famous silent treatment or ignoring the child for a long period of time. Toxic parents are of many types, including parents who treat their children as adults and expect them to take care of them, parents who use manipulation and guilt the child into doing what they want, parents who are addicted to some form of drugs or alcoholics and often ignore their responsibilities as parents, verbal, physical and sexual abusers.
Listed below are some things that toxic parents say and do to their children. However, before reading these, it should be understood that some parents at times say these accidentally and do not mean them. Just because someone’s parents said this once does not mean that they are toxic. Remember, no one is perfect.
Saying ‘you ruined my life’ and blaming the child for supposedly making everything worse for the parent just by existing.
Calling the child insulting names and constantly telling them that they are worthless and will never amount to anything in their lives.
Picking out ‘flaws’ in the child and mocking them based on their physical appearance.
Invalidating the feelings and experiences of the child. “You are overreacting” “You are making that up”.
The famous and most commonly used “I carried you for 9 months, ruining my body and life in the process and this is how you pay me back?!”.
“I wish I never had you”, along with complaining about the hardships of bringing the child up.
Constantly comparing the child to another. “Why can’t you be more like XYZ?”.
Making empty promises. Toxic parents seem to be exceptionally talented at making their child believe that they will keep their promise even though the child’s experience says otherwise.
Uses offensive words and statements, constantly threatening to just up and leave one day.
These are just some ways and statements that toxic parents harm their child. Unfortunately, toxic parents are becoming increasingly creative at damaging the child mentally. When we consider the way how each word from a toxic parent hurts, it would seem as if they had taken a class on how to make sure what they say feels like a gunshot. Unfortunately for most, these words stay in mind for a long time and unless resolved and dealt with properly, haunts in the form of insecurities. If you had a toxic parent, remember to be kind to yourself and to try and move from your parents’ narration of who you are. What they say is more about who they are. Toxic parenting can cause a lifetime of trauma, that can affect the quality of life of a person. If you are unable to let go and move past the insecurities and the ‘voice in your head’ which sounds very much like your parents’, seeking help from a professional would be beneficial. Remember, such statements and words are not normal and are not okay.
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